Julian leaned against the clothing rack, watching his boyfriend pick out a new sweater.
"Lo, all I’m saying is that we tell our families at Christmas before it gets out to the media."
"We can tell your family at Christmas, but my family can stuff it for all I care, Michelle already knows!"
Julian sidled up to him standing right in front of him and took the sweater out of his hands. “Logan, think about this rationally, if we don’t tell your father who knows what he’ll do.”
"He doesn’t deserve to KNOW Jules!" His voice rose over the annoying Christmas music playing through the store. "It’s our business if we want a kid, not his!"
His boyfriend shushed him quickly looking around them for anyone who could overhear “Please Lo? I’d just rather we told them.”
"I’m not going to Julian, there’s no way you can make me."
"You’re such a child sometimes!" Julian threw his arms up in frustration. He grabbed the bags of their previous purchases out of the cart.
"I’m done with trying to reason with you, I’ll be out in the car when you decide to grow up."
Jules leaned against the wall of the elevator as it grated past the floors down to the parking garage. he didn’t mean to blow up with Logan again, he just wanted to tell Logan’s father about this, he didn’t like the man any more then Logan did, but he wanted him to find out they were going to adopt from them rather then the media.
He leaned farther against the wall as the elevator grated to a stop, preventing himself from falling over before grabbing the bags and walking into the parking garage to find the car.
Looking around he realized he had the wrong section and rolled his eyes. Of course, what else could happen today, he darted across the garage to the hallway leading to the next section over, and walked through the aisles until he approached the car.
Unlocking the trunk he carefully lay down the purchases, looking around him he sighed. He couldn’t stay in here and wait for Logan, it was too claustrophobic.
Grabbing his scarf from the passenger seat where he had left it when they went in, he wrapped it around his neck, and made for the exit, leaving a scribbled note on the seat, telling Logan he had gone for a walk.
Making his way outside Julian’s breath turned into white smoke, crossing his arms across his chest and tucking his hands under his armpits, he made his way to the sidewalk to cross to the coffee shop on the other side of the street.
He hopped up and down lightly trying to keep himself warm, as he waited for a break in traffic. Seeing his opportunity, he dashed across the street, not seeing the car beside him start sliding on the black ice. He heard the honking though.
Turning just in time to see the car do a tail spin, he tried to run out of the way, but he had noticed too late.
Logan carried the single bag down the stairs to the parking garage. He wished Julian would just LISTEN to him, he didn’t think his father deserved to be told in person. He’d call him or something right before it happened. He wasn’t completely irrational.
Walking out of the staircase and into the parking garage, he made a B-line to the car, throwing the bag in the trunk and opening the drivers side door, expecting to see Julian sulking in the seat beside him.
Instead he saw only a slip of white paper, rolling his eyes he pulled his gloves back on and headed to the outside to walk to the coffee store across the street that Julian liked.
Wincing as the sounds of sirens echoed off the walls of the parking garage, he walked outside to see an ambulance pull up on the street in front of him. Great, just what he needed, and Julian was probably stuck on the other side. Pulling out his phone he texted his boyfriend “Come on Diva, I’m stuck on the other side of the street, the ambulance is cutting us off. Get over here.”
He waited for a few minutes for a reply before making his way down to walk around the accident scene, obviously Julian was being pissy again.
As he walked around the right side of the accident he saw a familiar flicker of blue material, turning to call out to his boyfriend he realized the coat was on the body in the road.
His stomach dropped as he ducked under the tape. “Julian? JULES?” he ran towards the body, his shoulder hitting a police officer, who immediately turned and grabbed him.
"LET ME GO! THAT’S MY BOYFRIEND! JULIAN!" Logan tried to pull himself out of the officer’s arms to get to the crumpled form of his boyfriend.
"You can’t, come on. I’ll take you to the hospital. You need to calm down Sir."
"JULIAN! YOU CAN’T LEAVE! JULES!"
"Come on sir, just get in the car."
Logan was pushed gently inside the squad car as he watched the paramedics moving around his boyfriend “Why?” the tears rolled down his cheeks as he watched them load him into the ambulance before the followed after.
On the First Day of Christmas
I sat beside you all day Julian, I didn’t move.
On the Second Day of Christmas
Derek brought me clean clothes, and stayed for a few hours
On the Third Day of Christmas
They made me eat today Julian, please come back to me
On the Fourth Day of Christmas
The nurse practically dragged me to the showers today and pushed me in with more clean clothes from Derek
On the Fifth Day of Christmas
I don’t even know if you can hear me Julian
On the Sixth Day of Christmas
I love you so much Julian, I’ll tell my dad, I promise Jules, just don’t leave me
On the Seventh Day of Christmas
The adoption agency called today, we’ve been approved Jules! I wish you were awake to celebrate.
On the Eight Day of Christmas
They’re starting to say you won’t make it Jules.
On the Ninth Day of Christmas
Just, move a little bit Jules, just a bit?
On the Tenth Day of Christmas
Derek tried to make me go home today, I can’t leave when you might wake up, I don’t want you to be alone.
On the Eleventh Day of Christmas
Brain Dead. Why Jules?
On the Twelfth Day of Christmas
I’m home, I’m so sorry Jules. I loved you so much.
Logan walked into the apartment, slowly. Dropping the keys on the table he ran a hand through his hair, he sighed before walking stiffly to the living room. Dropping into his armchair he stared at the fireplace in front of him. What was he going to do now?
He jumped slightly as Derek walked up behind him and handed him a drink. He accepted it gratefully, before looking up at his friend, who simply patted him on the shoulder before leaving.
Logan took a sip of the alcohol, his eyes watering as it rolled down his throat. The radio behind him kept up it’s low Christmas medley’s, he tried to ignore it. God, he didn’t want to think about Christmas now.
I’ll have a Blue Christmas without you
I’ll be so blue thinking about you
Logan shut his eyes, please don’t do this to me he begged. Please don’t.
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
Won’t be the same, if you’re not here with me
Logan stood, staggering a little as he tried to locate the radio.
And when those blue snowflakes start fallin’
And when those blue memories start callin’
You’ll be doin’ all right, with your Christmas of white
It couldn’t be that far, it was just over here, it had to be. He pulled some knick-nacks off of the table, trying to locate it.
I’ll have a Blue Christmas that’s certain
And when that blue heartache starts hurtin’
Logan turned, the radio was sitting on the table opposite. Logan staggered over, picking up the radio and staring at it, before chucking it across the room to hit the wall, to create a brief staticy piano instrumental before going silent.
Logan looked down at the table, his hands falling on a soft green sweater. Julian’s sweater. He pulled it up to his nose, folding it over his hands, as he breathed in the scent of Julian. The cologne he used, on top of a cinnamon smell.
His breaths got ragged as he breathed in, his knees collapsing underneath him as tears started pouring down his face.
Julian was gone. Julian, his Jules. Dead. He curled up on the floor, sobs racking his body, as he realized that he and Julian would never have the family they had planned for.